


Somehow I Got Caught Up In Between

by Calamity_Hero_Awakens



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coffee Shops, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, M/M, Mutilation, Paranoia, Partial Blindness, Past Violence, Psychological Trauma, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25044634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calamity_Hero_Awakens/pseuds/Calamity_Hero_Awakens
Summary: “How have you been, Adam?” Lawrence began.“Been better,” Adam replied, glancing around the apartment quickly before looking at the doctor.“The, uh, the glasses are new,” Lawrence pointed out almost immediately. “Have you been having vision problems? Or are you just going for the ‘punk’ vibe?” A small grin appeared on his face at the second suggestion.Adam scowled. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”Lawrence looked surprised but backed off. “Alright, I won’t mention it again.”“Thanks.”
Relationships: Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Somehow I Got Caught Up In Between

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a worn out concept: Coffee shops and trauma.

It had been nearly a year since the two had seen each other. When Adam thought about it, it seemed like it had been so much longer than a mere year. Other times though, especially when he woke up in the middle of the night sobbing, it felt like it had only been yesterday.

True to his promise, Lawrence had gotten help and Adam had been saved from his hellish prison. During their hospital stays, Lawrence had been confined to his bed for the majority of his stay and by the time he was allowed to move about freely, Adam had been sent home. Adam had assumed he would be bedridden, but it still left an ache in his chest that he hadn't gotten to see the doctor. He considered going to see him, but quickly banished the thought. If Lawrence had wanted to see him, he would have done something about it. Besides that, Adam couldn't bring himself to go visit the oncologist of his own volition. He was convinced that he had only been rescued as an afterthought, simply because the doctor hadn't wanted to let him rot down there. Nothing more.

Adam had been trapped in the hospital for much longer than he would have liked - not that he wanted to be there at all to begin with - but part of that was his fault. After nearly a month in the hospital, Adam was finally released, his next doctor's appointment already scheduled.

And the two men still hadn't spoken since the bathroom.

🔗🔗🔗🔒🔗🔗🔗

Stationed at the register, Adam began taking the order of the woman in line. Though he preferred to do something that involved as little social interaction as possible, he was usually stuck at the register. With his depth perception impaired and sight limited, most of his coworkers had agreed that the cashier position would be the easiest for him. Adam wasn't sure if he should be grateful or offended.

The bell above the door jingled as another person entered the building and Adam absentmindedly called out, "Welcome to Brewster's."

As the next person in line stepped up, he vaguely noticed the sound of a child crying. After punching in the customer's order, Adam finally noticed the little girl who had approached the counter alone, tears flowing down her cheeks. Her tears dripped onto her light pink dress, staining the fabric a darker shade of pink.

"Stephanie, can you cover the register?" Adam asked a coworker before approaching the little girl, crouching down in front of her in a non-threatening gesture. The last thing he needed was for her to start freaking out.

"What's your name?" he gently asked the brunette child.

"Diana," she tearfully replied, wiping her face with the palm of her hand. A spark of recognition hit him; something about her was familiar, but he couldn't quite make the connection.

"Where's your parents?" the dark haired male asked, scanning the coffee shop for any sign of her frantic parents and finding nothing but the few stray customers that had wandered in after lunch.

"I lost my daddy," she said, beginning to cry harder.

"Hey, don't cry," Adam said, softly wiping away her tears with his thumb. "How about this? You can sit in those chairs over there," Adam pointed to the overstuffed leather chairs near the back of the restaurant, "while you wait for your dad. And I'll let you pick any treat you want."

The young girl sniffled but began to calm down.

"Can I have the chocolate one?" Diana asked, pointing to one of the desserts in the glass display case. Adam chuckled but nodded.

"You go sit over there and I'll get it for you, alright?"

"Okay," the brunette girl nodded then glanced down to the name tag pinned to his blue apron. "Thank you, mister Adam."

As the girl went to sit in the casual common area, Adam explained to his manager that a lost girl was in the shop.

"Her father can't be far. We should give him an hour and if he hasn't shown up by then, we should call the police."

The manager nodded her head with a glance toward the girl before saying, "Go keep her company. I'll cover you."

"Are you sure?" Adam hesitantly asked.

"I'm sure. Go."

After paying for a chocolate cake pop, Adam made a fresh one and went to join the lost girl in the casual common area. Sitting in one of the seats beside the young girl, Adam anxiously watched the door, wishing her parents would hurry up and appear. Besides the occasional babysitting of a younger cousin, Adam hadn't spent much time around children and something about them made him anxious.

As Adam handed Diana the treat, the girl decided to pop the oh-so-popular question. "Why do you wear sunglasses?"

"A lot of people stare at me if I don't," he vaguely replied and prayed the girl wouldn't push the issue.

His prayer went ignored.

"Why?"

"Why don't you tell me about your parents?" Adam asked instead, trying to avoid the question.

Thankfully, Diana took the bait. "My daddy is a doctor and my momma works on her computer at home. They're not married anymore though."

"That's alright," Adam tried to console her, not missing how disappointed she sounded at the second piece of information. "Sometimes people realize they aren't supposed to be together, but that doesn't mean they love you any less."

Diana nodded, actually seeming to perk up a little at that. "It also means I get to have two Christmases."

Adam laughed, snorting a little which made Diana laugh as well. The jingle bell above the door sounded and through his laugh, Adam managed to call, "Welcome to Brewster's." His gaze lifted to see who had entered and his laugh died in his throat.

"Daddy!" Diana happily called before jumping up and running toward the man, wrapping her arms around his legs.

"Diana!" the man breathed in relief, hugging her back tightly. The look of panic that had been on his face when he entered had melted as soon as he caught sight of the young girl.

Still sat in the leather chair, Adam was frozen in place. He hadn't seen the man in a year, but there was no question as to who he was. The doctor's face was burned into his memory, for better or worse. He was saying something to his daughter, but Adam was too lost in thought to notice.

Lawrence Gordon looked good, much better than he had in the bathroom, but Adam figured that wasn't a fair comparison. That hellhole had brought out the worst in both of them, so he couldn't base any of his opinions of the man off of their interactions there. His hair was perfectly in place - how he had managed that, Adam had no idea - and he was actually walking.

Wait, walking?

Lawrence clutched a cane tightly with his left hand and Adam couldn't see because of the fabric of his pants in the way, but the barista could connect the dots. He must have been fitted with a prosthetic, and he seemed to get around just fine with it.

Another thought clicked: Diana. He had seen her picture in Lawrence's wallet, that was why she looked familiar.

"...Adam."

The man was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of his name being said and he realized Diana was pointing at him.

Would Lawrence recognize him? What if he did? What would Adam say? He hadn't thought he would get the chance to talk to Lawrence and now that the opportunity had presented itself, Adam wasn't ready at all. He was a moment away from fleeing to the break room when he looked up to realize Lawrence was standing only a foot away. Adam jumped to his feet, now closer than ever to the man.

"Adam?"

Adam felt nauseous. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Lawrence didn't recognize him? Adam wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed and his stomach churned dangerously as he mumbled, "Yeah, of course."

"It's been a while," the doctor said, setting his hand on Adam's shoulder. The younger man nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden contact. "We should catch up sometime."

Adam absentmindedly nodded, his gaze focused so intently on Lawrence that he barely caught the man's words. The next thing he knew, Lawrence was shoving a piece of paper into his hand before his daughter was tugging him out the door and the two were gone.

"What was that about?" Stephanie asked from her place behind the counter as Adam approached, staring at the piece of paper with such rapt attention that he walked straight into the counter.

"Just an old friend," Adam vaguely responding, knowing the answer was a lie. On the piece of paper was a phone number and an address. Wadding the small square of paper up, Adam stuffed it into the pocket of his apron. He wasn't ready.

🔗🔗🔗🔒🔗🔗🔗

Gripping the steering wheel tightly, Adam wondered just what the hell he was doing. With his car parked on one of the levels of the parking deck at the large, much too expensive apartment complex, the barista was regretting his decision to go there. It was stupid. He should have thrown the paper away and tried to forget about the entire encounter, but something inside him told him to go, at least once. (Never mind the fact that it had taken him over two weeks to actually do it.)

Adam knew he should have called before he came over; he had no way of knowing if Lawrence would even be home, and that made him feel a little better. Maybe he wouldn't have to talk to him after all.

Sliding the keys out of the ignition and into his pocket, Adam finally exited the vehicle and hurried inside. The inside of the building was impressive and a woman sat behind a desk just past the doors. It was one of _those_ buildings. Adam briefly entertained the idea of asking which floor the apartment he was looking for would be on but decided against it. Instead, he went for the trial and error method. Impressively, he got it right the first time.

Standing in front of Lawrence's apartment door, Adam felt his heart beating frantically. He was actually going to do it. He was going to knock on the door and finally get the chance to talk to Lawrence after a year of not being able to.

Adam raised his hand to knock then paused. Okay, so he might not be the most confident. He could work around that.

"It's just another random guy. Just another random guy. Knock on the damn door."

Adam repeated that mantra to himself several times over before he actually worked up the courage to knock on the wooden door. He waited a moment but couldn't hear any noises from inside the apartment. His elevated breathing began to slow down a little, as did his heart. The doctor wasn't home. Oh well, couldn't say he didn't try.

Adam turned to walk away and only made it a few steps before the door swung open behind him and Lawrence's voice was calling him back.

Adam slowly turned to face him, the man's features a little dark from behind the sunglasses. While they were just barely tinted, the most important feature was that they were reflective, one way glass.

"Come in," Lawrence happily greeted him, opening the door wider for Adam to enter the apartment. The man did so, though hesitantly. He still wasn't sure how to feel about the whole situation.

Once Adam had entered, Lawrence followed closely behind him as the man approached the couch, waiting until Lawrence said, “Take a seat,” before actually sitting. The doctor took his own seat in the armchair to the left of the couch, turning to face Adam.

“How have you been, Adam?” Lawrence began, always one to start the conversation.

“Been better,” Adam replied, glancing around the apartment quickly before looking at the doctor. Not that it really mattered, considering the doctor couldn’t track his gaze from behind the glasses.

“The, uh, the glasses are new,” Lawrence pointed out almost immediately. “Have you been having vision problems? Or are you just going for the ‘punk’ vibe?” A small grin appeared on his face at the second suggestion.

Adam scowled. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Lawrence looked surprised but backed off. “Alright, I won’t mention it again.”

“Thanks.”

🔗🔗🔗🔒🔗🔗🔗

Literal hours passed as the two men made conversation, talking about any and every thing that had been going on in their personal lives before moving onto other topics. While Adam had opened up about a lot of things - something he hadn’t planned on doing, but something about Lawrence did that to him - he had remained purposefully avoidant of the topic of his glasses and Lawrence didn’t dare to bring it up again.

Lawrence had spoken of his divorce and partial custody of Diana, how he wasn’t back to where he would have liked to be in work, but the paperwork wasn’t all bad considering it was less strenuous on his leg, and that he was grateful he had finally moved onto a cane and been able to get rid of the crutches he had used for so long.

Adam had talked about how he had moved out of his apartment shortly after being released from the hospital, moving into a new one that was only a five minute drive from the old one and just barely better, as far as condition went. He spoke of his job at the coffee shop which he had held for at least eleven months, how he had been thinking about adopting a cat for some company, and how he had boxed up his photography equipment and kept it in the back of closet in case he ever decided to take the hobby up again (he didn’t plan on it).

Before they knew it, the sun was setting outside and the room was painted with the beautiful orange of sunset.

“Shit, I guess I should get going,” Adam said, taking notice of the time and rising from his seat on the couch. He had shifted countless times - his fidgeting seemed worse when he was spending time with Lawrence and he wasn’t sure what to make of that - but he had remained in the same general place that he had sat initially when he had arrived.

“You could spend the night,” Lawrence immediately suggested, rising from his seat quickly. The suggestion shocked both of them and Adam tensed up.

“I mean, that is, if you don’t have work,” Lawrence quickly stammered out, “and if you feel comfortable doing so.”

Adam chuckled to himself, glancing around the room for the umpteenth time before looking back at Lawrence again. “I’d have thought you’d have had enough of me for a lifetime.”

“I take comfort in knowing you’re safe,” Lawrence admitted, his voice quiet with the vulnerability of his words. Adam couldn’t help but stare at him for several long moments, for once speechless.

“I don’t… I didn’t bring any clothes,” Adam said, grappling for a reason to leave. Did he really want to leave? He wasn’t sure. He felt better than he had in nearly a year just by spending time with Lawrence and having the man around honestly made him feel a little safer, though safety itself was a false reality anyway.

“You can borrow some of mine,” Lawrence immediately volunteered, the hint of desperation not lost on Adam. The two stood in the middle of the living room staring at each other before Adam finally nodded his head just the smallest bit. A grin of relief split the doctor’s face.

“Wonderful. Now, how does a home cooked meal sound to you?”

🔗🔗🔗🔒🔗🔗🔗

“Are you comfortable?” Lawrence asked as he handed the soft grey blanket in his arms to Adam. Standing awkwardly beside the couch, Adam took the item gratefully.

“This is fine, Lawrence.” In all honesty, he felt a little ridiculous. After taking a shower, Lawrence had let him use his own pajamas; while, yes, the clothing was too big and hung from his frame loosely, he couldn’t deny that the gesture was touching. Now, standing in blue and white striped silk pajamas, the long sleeves constantly slipping over his hands, Adam held tightly to the blanket in his hands. One of the doctor’s pillows was set on the end of the couch, another thing Lawrence had readily handed over in an attempt to make Adam as comfortable as possible.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Adam suddenly asked, glancing down at the blanket in his arms. “I mean, I don’t want to put you out, man.”

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t alright with it, Adam,” Lawrence reassured him with a soft smile. Adam gave a slow nod, continuing to stare at the blanket. A hand was suddenly on his shoulder and his head jerked up to see Lawrence was still giving him that stupid, dopey smile.

“Good night, Adam.”

“‘Night, Lawrence.”

After clicking off all the lights in the living room and kitchen, Lawrence retired to his bedroom, pausing in the doorway.

“Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Something about the way he said that made Adam think he was offering something more just a blanket or pillow. The question was so genuine and heartfelt and Adam just nodded before the doctor nodded in response and closed the door behind him.

Laying on the couch in the darkness, Adam stared at the door past the opposite end of the couch, listening intently until he heard the mattress creak quietly and then saw the light from around the doorframe disappear. Several more minutes passed before Adam felt comfortable enough to take off his glasses; after all, he couldn’t sleep in them. Well, he could if he wanted them broken. The man never slept more than a few hours and he was always up before dawn, so he had no fear that Lawrence would be up before him.

After gently setting the object on the coffee table, Adam’s left hand drifted up to his face like it often did, his fingers slipping into the empty socket where his left eye had once been. He knew he could have gotten a replacement, a glass eye or something similar, but he hadn’t wanted to do that. That wouldn’t have made him feel any more comfortable or confident and he knew he still would have worn the glasses - the kind with the edges that came in, shielding his eyes from everyone else’s view - so no one could see his eyes.

More than once, he had thought about telling Lawrence, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it yet. Talking about it would only make it more real and bring up bad memories. It was best to leave it be and try to let the pain die out with the memory.

Yeah, like that was going to happen.

🔗🔗🔗🔒🔗🔗🔗

It was just after two in the morning when Adam awoke, his throat dry and his skin much too hot. He felt like fire was burning just beneath the surface, liquid lava flowing through his veins alongside the panic that slowly eased from his body. It was a rare occurrence for Adam to awake and not be drenched in sweat or filled with panic.

Throwing back the blanket, Adam swung his legs over the side of the couch and began fumbling for the buttons on his long-sleeved shirt, undoing each one quickly before tossing the item of clothing over the back of the couch. The cool air of the apartment was a welcome rush of relief, but he still felt hot.

With a quiet sigh, Adam pushed himself up from the couch, feeling his way in the darkness toward the kitchen. Bashing his arm on the counter with a breathless swear, Adam resolved that it would probably be best to find the lightswitch. His hand ran over the counter until he found the wall and flipped the switch, momentarily blinded by the clinical, fluorescent lighting of the kitchen. With the room filled with light, Adam easily made his way to the fridge, pulling it open and bending down to search for a bottle of water.

Lawrence’s bedroom door suddenly swung open and the man appeared in the doorway, leaning heavily on his cane as he emerged.

Walking past the couch and entering the kitchen, Lawrence asked “Are you alright? I heard a loud noise.”

Snatching a bottle of water from the fridge, Adam straightened out as he pushed the door closed.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just bashed my arm on the counter,” he admitted as he turned to face the worried doctor. Lawrence's face fell and his eyes widened and Adam’s mind blanked for a moment - why was he looking at him like that? - before he felt absolutely horrified and his hand flew up to cover the left half of his face. Shit, shit, shit! His glasses!

Stumbling past Lawrence and into the living room, he slammed his shins into the coffee table with a grunt of pain as he snatched the glasses from the small tabletop. He carelessly dropped the bottle of water on the tabletop and pushed the glasses onto his face, shielding his remaining eye from Lawrence.

From behind the couch, the doctor stood dumbly, simply watching as Adam moved. The brunette male moved with a purpose but also with anger; if nothing else, the way he aggressively shoved the glasses onto his face proved that he was angry.

The two shifted in their places awkwardly, Adam trying to think of something to say and awkwardly fidgeting with the edge of his sleep shirt, and Lawrence moving to place both of his hands on the back of the couch, his cane wobbling in place before standing on its own. Adam refused to meet the doctor’s gaze and Lawrence waited patiently for him to say something, though it was becoming increasingly obvious that he wasn’t going to speak first.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lawrence finally asked, unsure how to address the issue without Adam blowing up on him.

“What do you want me to say?” Adam bit back, his voice heavier with self loathing and exhaustion than anything else.

“May I ask what happened?” Lawrence asked, giving the other man the chance to deny. Either way, if Adam didn’t want to answer, he wouldn’t; he was strong-headed that way.

“Did Zep do this to you?” Lawrence suggested. Adam's head snapped up, the eye behind the glasses staring the doctor down before his head turned and he looked away.

“No. But you’re not the only one who left a part of you in that shithole.” Nearly gritting his teeth, Adam responded, “Tore the fucking thing out.”

Lawrence waited patiently for Adam to continue, but he couldn’t deny that he was curious as to why he would have done such a thing. Adam must have known the question was coming.

“It was so dark,” he said, a rare moment of vulnerability, though his voice was still hard. “I hated being in that room, left with a corpse. It was dark, but I felt like I could still see the body. I couldn’t stand to look at it anymore, so I tore out my eye. Only got the one out before the rescue team showed up; otherwise, I’d be completely blind.”

Adam refused to look at Lawrence as he tacked on in a quiet voice, “I know it doesn’t make any sense, so just forget it.”

“You forget, you’re talking to an amputee,” Lawrence replied, leaning down to rest his forearms on the back of the couch, putting the majority of his weight on his left leg.

Adam winced. “Don’t remind me.”

Turning back to the coffee table behind him, the brunette stooped down to pick up the bottle of water, crunching it lightly in his hand, though it mostly regained its shape afterward.

“Can we talk about this some other time?” Adam asked, glancing at the closed curtains that led out to the balcony; though he couldn’t see through the curtains, it was obvious that it was still dark outside. “It’s, like, the asscrack of dawn. And I prefer to get as much sleep as I can.”

“Yeah,” Lawrence agreed, glancing past Adam to the closed curtains as well. “I suppose we should both get some sleep.”

“Thanks,” Adam awkwardly said, hesitating for a moment before pulling the glasses off and setting them back on the coffee table. He couldn’t see the doctor to the left of him as he unscrewed the thin plastic lid from the water bottle and lifted it to his lips, but for once, it didn’t bother him much.

Nothing more was said as Adam took his place back on the couch and set the water bottle on the floor beside the piece of furniture, Lawrence turning off the light in the kitchen. As the doctor retired to his room for the second time, Adam watched him go, just barely making out the shape of his figure in the darkness.

“Good night, Adam,” Lawrence said, pausing in the doorway as the other man responded.

“Good night, Lawrence.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song “In Between” by Linkin Park


End file.
